Entertainment vs Abuse

In a book I'm reading the main character had just watched the torture of two kidnappers, who were selling children into slavery. The character is one who is named by some as "pain bearer". She is aroused by her own pain, but pain in a very controlled environment through flogging etc. Another of the characters says "it is a long way from playing with silken ropes and deerskin floggers" The book is Kushiel's Avatar, the author Jaqueline Carey. It is an interesting book for anyone who has a spanking fetish. The series starts with Kushiel's Dart.

Someone once said to me "How could you want to be spanked that is sick?". That is where the quote from the book really comes into play for me. Spanking as a fetish, from my point of view, is a far cry from abuse or torture.

For those who do not understand the spanking fetish they think of the canings in Shanghai, whippings on shipboard or even punishments as children. Any of those could be scenarios for play, but if those participating are responsible, it will never go into abuse or turn into something that is beyond the players limits. For those who play at punishment there are safe words involved. The limits of the players may be tested, but should never crossed. That is the difference between abuse and play. The one being punished, is the one in control. To those watching it may not look that way, but if the one being spanked says stop (uses their safe word) the play stops.

Spanking as a fetish is for enjoyment, whether that comes through mild or more intense pain, chastisement or verbal banter, it is a controlled event. When it moves out of that zone it is no longer play and the participants are not being responsible. That is not to say that for some, the level of play is much more severe than others are comfortable with. Each person needs to play at their own level and make sure that those they are playing with know what that level is. It is better to ere on the light side than find you have crossed the line. That goes for both spanker's and spankee's. Both players have certain limits that they don't want to cross. You shouldn't ask anyone to go beyond what they are comfortable with.